Once you have decided that sexuality coaching would benefit you, it is time to research a coach. You are looking for a “fit” a connection between you and the Sex Coach whom you select.

If you know someone who is seeing, or has seen, a Sexuality Coach and was pleased with the results and the assistance provided, you can ask him/her for a referral. If this is not available to you — or if it is not a direction you wish to pursue — other avenues exist.

1. In the Yellow Pages (physical phone book or online), find the heading that addresses the type of treatment you desire e.g., “AASECT” which stands for the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors, and Therapists who provide certification standards in the area of Sexuality Coaching.

2. Look at the credentials of the Sex Coach

• Where did s/he receive her/his schooling?
• What degree(s) has s/he earned?
• In what organizations does s/he hold membership?
• What certifications and/or licenses does s/he hold?
• How many years has s/he been in practice?

If necessary, call to get this information.

3. Consider random factors, variable among different coaches; e.g., location, convenience of appointments scheduling, cost.

4.  Taking into account #1 through #3 (above), make a list of 3-5 possible sexuality professionals.

5. Talk with each Sex Coach on your list. Ask about his/her treatment style. For example, does he/she mostly listen while you talk? Does he/she offer practical suggestions for change? Is homework given?

Now, for THE MOST IMPORTANT PART of your selection process, consider the following:

a. How do these responses match what you think would work best for you?

b. Pay attention to your intuition while talking with the Sex Coach

• How does this Sexuality Coach sound and feel to you?
• Do you sense that s/he would understand you and your circumstances?
• Do you sense that s/he would be able to help you?
• Would you respect his/her advice?
• Do you feel that you would listen to and follow the guidance s/he gives?

Listen to your “gut feeling” and make an appointment with the Sexuality Coach whom you feel most strongly could assist you.

Working with couples — or individuals — who are having sexual difficulties is a very sensitive endeavor.  It is also a very rewarding interaction!  Where communicating about sexual issues is concerned, many people still struggle with mores and inhibitions from their early upbringing.  This struggle can make talking about sexual ideas and emotions embarrassing and difficult.

An experienced Sexuality Coach is able to put you, the client, at ease.  The years of working with people — and helping those like you to beneficially resolve formerly-painful areas of your  intimate relationship — can shape the Sex Coach into a person of deep understanding and empathy.  Such a Sex Coach is not only imminently approachable by you, the client, but also instills both respect and confidence.

I find it both a delight and an honor to work with clients to resolve sexual issues.  Doing so, stimulates creativity and joy — not just for the you as the clients, but also for me, as the Sexuality Coach.  If you are considering undertaking Sex Coaching, I encourage you to go ahead!  You have nothing to lose … but those painful problems and discomfort.  You have the world to gain — Imagine increasing the strength and depth of your relationship!  Ponder building your personal self-confidence!  Sexuality Coaching does all of this … and much, much more!  Come on — give it a try!!

And I encourage you to learn more about how to use Romance to enliven and deepen your Relationship. If you want to turn ho-hum into alive and spirited, this Guidebook is for you! If your relationship is troubled, DON’T wait! To Receive Your Guidebook, “Romantic Ideas to Enhance Your Relationship Intimacy, Part I”, visit http://www.sexuality-coach.com/romanticideas.htm

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The two main areas of Sex Coaching both center around Healthy Sexual Functioning.  The first deals with Sexual Dysfunctions, those disorders of sexual pleasure, arousal and physiological/ psychological  interaction.  The second deals with developing Increased Intimacy — for deep, mutual soul satisfaction — in a couple’s sexual relationship.  Not surprisingly, Sexuality Coaching conducted in both of these main areas merges in the activity of Improving the Partners’ Communication.

Developing Increased Intimacy:

Intimacy is a state of closeness whose success depends on Constructive communication.  Constructive communication, in turn, provides the pathway to satisfying sexual interaction.  Constructive communication refers to the process of communicating in such a way that each person who is involved feels BETTER about oneself and the other because of what transpired during the interaction.  It is not a matter of one-ups-man-ship.  Rather, constructive communication is always win-win.  Any other outcome can only be lose-lose.

Constructive communication enhances respect, emotional support, satisfaction, compatibility, physical well-being:  In a word, constructive communication enhances Intimacy.

The basic skills in Constructive Communication include those of both listening and speaking.  Numbered among the listening skills are —

• attentive listening to the words that are spoken;
• non-verbal listening — “hearing” body and
  facial messages that are given;
• kinesthetic listening — paying attention to
  undertones and emotional allusions; and
• the attitude of respect and understanding.

The speaking skills include —

• an open, self-revealing approach;
• an assertive, straight-forward presentation;
• honest, clear expressions of one’s feelings; and
• the self-awareness to ask for what one wants as
  a resolution to the situation at hand.

With these skills in both party’s possession, each is prepared to negotiate differences — a requisite to establishing true, enduring closeness.  Also requisite is the willingness to let go:  To allow someone else to become intensely close … close enough to inflict great damage … yet with mutually-designed safety that is more-than-enough that each partner knows that the damage will not occur.

The attitude for this level of Intimacy — as well as for negotiating differences is:  How can I help you?  I love you.  The person whom I love is hurting, upset or in pain.  What can I do to help?

The challenge for each partner is to keep himself/herself out of the way, so that his/her partner can be free to express honest feelings in the kindest way possible.  It is a fine-tuned balance, one that takes repeated attempts to accomplish.

The Areas of Sexual Dysfunction:

Disorders which fall in the realm of Sexual Dysfunction include the following:

For Men —

a)  inhibited arousal/erectile dysfunction — commonly
termed impotence;
b)  inhibited desire — lack of desire for sex;
c)  delayed or retarded ejaculation — extreme difficulty
in attaining ejaculation once sexually aroused;
d)  early ejaculation — extremely quick ejaculation
dissatisfying to both partners;
e)  painful intercourse — pain during intercourse.

For Women —

a)  inhibited sexual desire — lack of desire for sex;
b)  anorgasmia — lack of experiencing orgasm;
c)  vaginismus — a condition of severe limitation of
the vagina, causing pain during attempts at
intercourse;
d)  dyspareunia — pain during intercourse.

For Both Partners —

a)  lack of frequency compatibility — the frequency
with which partners desire sex is very different;
and
b)  discomfort in communicating physical and
emotional needs.

Rather than going into detailed explanations of each of these areas of Sexual Dysfunction, I want to make one point outstandingly clear:  These areas of Sexual Dysfunction ARE TREATABLE.  If you — and your partner — are suffering from one or more of these areas, understand me well.

YOU CAN GET HELP!

Since I have a personal preference in this area, I’ll just go ahead and say it:  Because these areas are treatable, DO NOT WAIT any longer.  Certainly, you do not have to seek help from me.  Seek assistance from the qualified person whom you and your partner can best trust.  AND DO SEEK ASSISTANCE … as soon as you possibly can!!  Your mutual intimacy, pleasure and satisfaction with your partner are worth it!